Blake On Love

A blog all about one thing

Terrible Dating Profiles #8

Terrible Dating Profiles #8

It used to be so easy.

The first time I went on dating apps, about two and a bit years ago, I started chatting to a gorgeous, successful, funny and very sweet guy and that was it: we dated for six months (until I messed it up).

But good god, things have changed. Maybe it's the fact there are just so many more people on these apps now, but even if I do start chatting to someone, and that's rare, then it soon fizzles out.

Help me.

I found some truly horrific profiles this week as well, so that's not exactly helping my pessimistic attitude towards online dating at the moment.

Here are the "finest"...

DUNCAN

Oh for god's sake, not another one of these. Pass me a sick bag. Now.

Those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning, or at least from Terrible Dating Profiles #2, will remember that there was another douchehole who talked about his, ahem, abilities in this way.

He also said he was healthy, and talked about his... load. Eurghhhhh.

Honestly, it's profiles like these that make me want to become a nun.

Delete your account, Duncan.

NATE

My first Terrible Bumble Profile! It says a lot about the app. There are A LOT more decent dudes on it (and some exceptionally hot ones too...)

But sadly, there have to be some dud ones in there too, and poor Nate falls into that category.

Look, some people might just find this funny, I don't know. I did let out a short bark of laughter before shaking my head, and then banging my head against a wall for 20 minutes.

But really, what happened to just talking about what you like to get up to on the weekends, and maybe even writing a nice description of how you would take me on a date? 

Next!

TEZZ

The description isn't the worst I've seen, nor is it the best. I personally don't like it when a guy is slagging off a particular type of woman, especially based on the way she looks alone. But I suppose we all do it internally, I suppose, about our potential partners - you're just more vocal and I guess more honest about it, Tezz.

But what I can't forgive, Tezz, is the zoomed in nipple shot.

I'm not one for a shirtless pic generally, to be honest - it's arrogant, pretty sleazy, and instantly makes any intrigue and mystery disappear.

But this is a new breed of the shirtless pic that I haven't seen before. A 'nipple pic' is the only way I can describe it, because that really is the only part of your torso that I can really evaluate.

And really, a 'nice nipple' is pretty low down on priorities when it comes to looking for a potential date, Tezz, not going to lie.

It's making me feel a bit uncomfortable looking at it for too long, so moving swiftly on...

TEMI


BRB, going to throw my phone with all the dating apps installed onto it into a river.

Sigh. Yes, Temi, yes it is. 

And you know why?

Because women with great butts, and great attitudes, don't date shallow narcissists who expect the cream of the crop to fall in their laps without putting in any effort whatsoever into finding out how to make themselves into a person that these exceptional women WANT to date.

I just want someone who isn't a vain, looks-obsessed arsehole who is kind, caring, ambitious, intelligent and has a gorgeous smile (and has a dog) - is that so much to ask??

Please send any terrible dating profiles you've seen on a dating app recently to me at imogengblake@gmail.com either anonymously or with the name you want me to credit the image with.

I muzz all personal details including faces from dating profiles to protect the privacy of the unsuspecting people who made them.

I am a straight cis woman so my posts will be of terrible male profiles - but guest submissions are welcome and encouraged from absolutely everyone. It would be wonderful to roast as diverse a range of terrible dating profiles as possible :)

 

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